Feb 2, 2017 – Washington D.C.
Speaking with Australian Prime Minster Malcolm Turnbull by phone from the Oval Office today, the President took a hard line on a matter he insisted was critical to his supporters and all Americans. “You Kiwis have been ripping us off, and it stops today. The Bloomin’ Onion, it used to be a big, beautiful thing, you know? Just this giant ball, a really big grease soaked onion, with that tangy orange dipping sauce. And you know orange is my favorite color by the way… something so elegant, really special about orange. Not really yellow, but not quite red, right? And everyone ordered it, and everyone looked forward to it, okay? But now, it’s like fourteen dollars, and it’s really overrated, and not so delicious anymore. It’s sad. A tragedy really, and Australia should be embarrassed.”
After the Prime Minister responded that in fact, “Kiwi” is a colloquial term for people from New Zealand, not Australia, and that the Bloomin’ Onion is only US $8.49, which is about AUS $11.23, President Trump accused Australia of manipulating its currency to make the whole range of Outback’s “Aussie-Tizers” less affordable for middle-class Americans.
When Turnbull responded that Outback is not even an Australian company, but a franchise founded in Tampa in the 1980’s, Trump accused him of lying about when it’s summertime down under, and threatened that the U.S. would build an “Even Greater Barrier Reef” in the Pacific, and vowed to make Australia pay for it.